prenju wants to know if the new Domestic Violence laws apply to those who got married before the law was enacted.

Letter to the Editor:
Dear Sir,
About the new Domestic Violence laws, I would like to know if it applies retroactively to all marriages. I am a very hard-working person with a tough job and tend to relax in the evenings by kicking my wife around and abusing her. In fact, this was one of the reasons I got married. If this law applies to all marriages, it's a grave injustice that the terms of my contract have been changed without my consent.

Yours sincerely

My Interests Collage Generator made me about sixty new friends and doubled my friends-list. Yes! I have LOTS of lj-friends. So if you see a subtle change in the content of my posts, it's only because I'm catering to an international audience now.

So Tom Cruise. What a kook, huh? And Paramount has cut all ties with him. He deserves it too. Those who haven't read up on scientology, you have to. It's hilarious. How could anyone believe in something as dumb as that? As opposed to say a religion like Christianity. Where God sends his only son to be born of a virgin and to suffer for all our sins including the big one when the first woman was tempted by a snake to eat from the Tree of Knowledge in the Garden of Eden.
(No, really, check it out. It's hilarious -> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christianity)

And btw, these PETA activists are a bunch of assholes and fuckheads. Don't they know that animals don't actually feel any pain? Animals only ACT like they feel pain. Because that's the way God made them! Also, meat is very tasty.

Five years ago, September 11, 2001. A day of horrific tragedy. A day of deep sorrow.
It was on this day that 24,000 people died of hunger. Like the day before that day. And the day after. And yesterday.

If you do not approve of this post or if you think it's a piece of shit, it's because you're anti-ga_woo.
You're either with me or you're against me.

I used to be Really Cool. Nothing could faze me.

If a car swerves towards me and nearly hits me while I was with a friend, he'd go "Hooooly Shit! You could have died."
"Yeah"
"What do you mean Yeah? That car missed you by an inch. You could fucking be on the road bleeding right now."
"But I'm not. Duh!"

Or if someone almost drops an anvil on my head.
"Fuck! That guy almost dropped that anvil..."
"But he didn't."
"He almost did!"
"Yet, he didn't. What difference does it make if he almost did or completely didn't? I'm not almost dead, am I?"

That is until I read about the many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics.
Now I'm afraid to leave the house.

Ask a Great Programmer how zhe got into programming and you'll hear something like this:
I used to tinker with this Commodore SX-64 Portable in school. No, I think it really began with the HP calculator I used to program with their RPN stack language when I was 12 years old. And then it was fun making the MITS Altair 8800 do weird stuff. Basically, I realised at a very young age that I was surrounded by programmable digital machines.

Nobody ever says: I worked in Turbo C on Windows. That's what we had in our college labs.

Damn.

Am reading a Wrox book about Javascript

Inset highlighted "point" in the book:

Even though integers can be represented as octal and hexadecimal literals, all mathematical operations return decimal results.


P.S: Please feel free to embarass me if that statement makes any sense at all

subtle_blues reminded me about a certain type of human being.

Moron: If women dressed more conservatively, there would be fewer rapes.

You: If there were no women, there would be fewer rapes.

(Moron: That's brilliant. Why didn't I think of that before?)

Here are a few alternate brilliant observations:

If there were no men, there would be fewer rapes.

If men stayed indoors, there would be fewer rapes.

If women agreed to have sex with every man who asks for it, there would be fewer rapes.

PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET'S REDUCE THE NUMBER OF RAPES!!

Update:
vandyvandana: if all the men were castrated, there would be fewer rapes.
imalegend: If there were less people, there would be fewer rapes.

Let's go Off The Record, Baby ¹

That's the name of the second single from my upcoming album tentatively titled "Baby! Baby! Baby!"

1. It's from Gtalk. Which is really the best IM client ever.

I want my identity threatened. I'm getting jealous of people who get their identity threatened.

The problem, of course, is that I identify only with myself.

Do I need to develop a split personality and identify with the other personality?

Do you suppose that there's someone out there with a split personality, but with both personalities identical? How would they ever know they have a problem? (Haha!)

(These may or may no be rhetorical questions.)

(rhetorical. rhetorical. can never get enough of that word. makes me feel smart everytime i use it.)

Have you noticed that Gods of all religions have one thing in common? Fragile egos.
You aren't allowed to insult or abuse them. That's always one of the top offenses.
Isn't that weird? You'd think someone who basically bloody owns everything would be a bit less sensitive, wouldn't you?

(If nobody replies, these are rhetorical questions.)

(This is for Indian School Kids)
This is for when you are in your classroom, it is your classmate's birthday and zhe is distributing sweets bench-by-bench.
( Read more... )

I haven't matured yet. Not completely, I mean.
In a lot of ways, I have matured. Like
           giving up on all my hopes and dreams (Check.),
           not telling people what I really think (Check.),
           worshiping money (Check.),
           no new friends in years (Check.),
           not thinking anymore that Bill Gates is the devil (Check.),
           realising it's George Bush (Check.)
and basically
           not happy to be alive (Check.)

Through all of this, one adult characteristic has eluded me: I do not feel the urge to watch TV programming that involves little kids dancing on stage.

Know what I mean? I still can't watch a dance competition for kindergarten kids. I don't get amazed by their talent wondering "how proud their parents must be".

I await the evening I settle down in front of the TV and think: Boy, I hope I find a channel with kids, dressed up as fairies and angels, shaking their hips to a nursery rhyme.
(Life's big moments, you know? Just like the evening I realised that letting snot dry up in my nose and removing it later in chunks wasn't fun anymore.)

Maturity: It's not just about the pubic hair.

One of the lessons I learnt in my transition from kid to adult is that most people, or at least most of the people around me (Pondicherry, Tamil Nadu), are idiots.
And by most people, I mean almost everyone.
And by almost everyone, I mean everyone but me.
( Read more... )

If you use the phrase creative juices flowing, you are uncreative. It's a law of nature. Deal with it.
Just like the law that says that any email-forward you receive that has the words "TOO GOOD!!!" in the subject is a piece of shit.

Jo Des Ke Kaam Na Aaye, Voh Bekaar Jawaani Hai
Translation: Those who come of no use to the nation are just a complete waste of youth. (Translation picked up from http://sudhishkamath.blogspot.com/2006/02/things-to-do-to-be-change.html)
I don't really know hindi and this may be a poor translation, but I'm having trouble understanding: A waste of youth to who? The nation? If that's the case, does this sentence mean anything at all?
I'm not being rhetorical. I'm really hoping one of you has an answer. Because if, as I fear, this statement is being quoted without anyone stopping to think if it actually means anything, we are well and truly fucked.

You know what would be funny?
A nerdy college guy using his crush's name for variables in his programs!
Hahaha! That would be funny, man! I wonder if anybody does that. Makes me laugh just thinking about the possibility. Hahaha!

I'm getting a little tired of LJers who can't spell and try to cover it up by consistently spelling wrong so we'll think all of it is intentional.
"Luk at me. Im a bisy persin. i typ wery fast bcoz im wery wery bisy. i kant b botherd wit speling 'n' shit. Hehehe"
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Amateur movie reviewers annoy me. What's the point? Why do they do it?
And a lot of the time you get some real idiots writing these reviews too. I read a review some time back that ended like this: "If you have nothing better to do, watching this movie wouldn't be a bad idea. But if you do have something better to do, well, not watching this movie wouldn't kill you either."
Thanks, sweetheart. That's very valuable advice. It's especially valuable because not only can I use it for this movie, I CAN USE THE SAME PIECE OF ADVICE FOR EVERY MOVIE EVER MADE!

(Editor's Note: Smart-ass comments about amateur comedians will not be entertained.)

Do you sometimes re-read your old posts/comments on LJ (or a comment you made the previous day) just to appreciate how smart/clever you were while making them? To relive the moment, you know?
Probably not. You people actually have lives.

People who say "Indeed!": What's wrong with them? Can they be fixed?

If a tree falls down in a forest and there's no-one around to see it, does it make a scene?

I guess not. There wouldn't be any point.

Maybe they're like kids that way.

Astrological advice for today:
If you have nothing better to do, jerking off wouldn't be a bad idea. But if you do have something better to do, well, not jerking off wouldn't kill you either.

I wanted to be a people-person. That was until I realised that that the plural form of 'people-person' is people-people. "People-People" is like it's straight out of a children's story book.
"Hello, we are the People-People!! And we come in Peace-Peace."
Though I must admit, I do like being around people-people. I was cool with that until I realised that it makes me a people-people person and one among the People-People-People. Damn!

If you are on your way to catch an inter-state train but are too late and miss it...do you wish that there's an accident and everybody on the train dies so you could feel lucky and special?

shoan left. I can now get back to shitting on the sides of the bowl. (I have to do it that way. If I don't, water splashes on my ass - Someone I know first spoke about this problem and also provided a business-plan to make money off it. More details later.)

And about this whole paper and water debate, I need them both, okay? I need paper and water. One helps remove the coarse-grained material and the other works on the fine-grained material. Best tool for the job and all.

Could someone inform me when I jump the shark? I have no way of knowing unless somebody tells me. Thanks.

Noticed how they went for the happy ending in Madagascar by trying to pass fish off as non-sentient? Alex the Lion can eat fish because fish don't have feelings.
I couldn't let them get away with that.
I told my four-year old cousin that the fish that was cut up and eaten was Nemo. She was horrified. And cried herself to sleep that night. That'll teach those Hollywood bastards. Hahaha!

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hank_reardon deleted my comment to the 'Compassionate Capitalism' post. I have to admit I was pissed when I saw my comment missing. But then I hit the gym. Pumped some weights. And I'm okay now.
In fact, I'm happy. I'm going to reply to hank_reardon's post here. And doing that would make me a legitimate blogger. You know those bloggers who tug on each others' penises everyday, linking a response from their own blogs, then posting trackbacks for their replies, then linking back? I always wanted to do that.
(This would be so much cooler if LJ had trackbacks.)

I don't have the original comment. Here is a reproduction (from memory), with changes (improvements really), of my comment to hank_reardon's Compassionate Capitalism
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I made myself a pick-up line.

Alright, brace for it. Here it comes:


"I'm ugly. So I try harder."



Cool huh? Huh? Funniest pick-up line ever huh? Huh? No? Bah! Fuck you!! You're just jealous because you didn't think of it first! If Woody Allen had said that, you'd have it in your email signature.

aivalli either has an incredible sense of humour or is completely insane

Walked out halfway through the new Harry Potter movie.
Maybe I'm old and have lost my sense of wonder.

I'm pretty sure that if I were gay, I'd have gotten laid by now.

I got what I wanted. Two people said that I'm not creepy-looking.

Is there more to life than sex and the pursuit of glory? Am I missing anything?

You may think I'm a poser - one trying to act 'bad' to project a cool-and-sexy image.
This is far from the truth. And it would be quite distressing if y'all thought so.
For this reason, I'm listing down a few incidents in my life.
1) A month ago, at this shop I bought something at, I acted like I didn't have change on me. I wanted to break a hundred.
2) Once, I was in a real hurry to an exam and parked my bicycle in a no-parking zone.
3) I'll never forget the time I entered Sparkz with shorts.
There are more examples I could provide here. But as the ones I've listed here indicate, I'm badass.

I have nothing against letting my dick do the thinking. I just wish it would think long-term.